Don't be fooled by the radio, the pictures or the magazines
4 out of 5 Stars
Chuck Panozzo is an anomaly. A popular musician who is gay and plays rock and roll. Ask most pop music fans about homosexual rockers and you'll be lucky if they can name one (and no, The Village People don't count). During the late seventies and though most of the 80's, Chuck was the bassist and a founding member of multi-platinum rockers, Styx. And like so many teens in the seventies, I was a Styx fan. There was a "Grand Illusion" poster in my room (an album cover that Chuck, also an art teacher, designed). But Chuck had a big secret. He was a gay man in one of the biggest bands in America.
"The Grand Illusion" is about Chuck Panozzo's journey. Like many gay men in the seventies, he was terrified that being outed would cost him his career, but then also that of his bandmates. While the band was onstage in front of thousands of fans, with groupies, drugs, and an awful lot of money, Chuck was either hanging out in his hotel room or sneaking off to clubs and bars while hoping his bandmates and fans didn't spot him. It's a double life that almost kills him.
Like Chuck as a gay rocker, I can emphasize with the plight as a gay rock fan. Chuck bemoans that, as he goes to clubs, no-one recognizes him because none of the patrons would likely be fans of Styx, but would certainly know Donna Summer or Sylvester. (He also sees this as a good thing, as it preserves his anonymity.) He finds it hard to locate any cultural touchstones in the gay world, becoming almost as much an outsider there as he was in the world of arena rock. When Styx disbands in 1984, he gets an extended break and finds life to be pretty sweet.
That's about half of the book. If you're expecting a long history about Styx, this isn't it (although there's plenty of good stories to be found). It's a book about Chuck, who, when Styx reunites in 1990 for "End Of The Century," falls ill. He discovers he has AIDS. For the remainder of the book, Chuck struggles with life and death issues, his own psyche, and just surviving each day. It can be a pretty tough read, as Chuck not only is fighting to stay alive, but he also watches his twin brother (and Styx drummer) John destroy his own life, loses his mother and tries to control his own destiny.
Granted, there is something of a happy ending in that Chuck lives to find love and health, but his coming to grips with the closet and his illness is a compelling and moving story. I admire his courage in finally making the decision to live openly and to tell the story of "The Grand Illusion." And it makes me proud to pull that CD of "Pieces of Eight" out and blast "Renegade" again with the memories of being that 18 year old Styx fan still in my memory.
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