Keeping America Stupid: More Proof Of The Non-Existence of God. Pat Roberston blames the Earthquake on men who are "Kind of Gay" (Satire)

VIRGINIA BEACH (The Borowitz Report) – Evangelist Pat Robertson sparked controversy in today’s broadcast of his 700 Club program by saying that yesterday’s mild East Coast earthquake was God’s revenge on people “who act kind of gay. All across the Eastern seaboard, there are men who get manicures, wear designer eyewear and know about thread counts,” claims Rev. Robertson. “God finds this somewhat gay-like behavior confusing, and He responded by getting mildly peeved.”

The televangelist warned that if Americans persist in their “seemingly sort-of-gay behavior,” the country should brace itself for additional ambiguous acts of retaliation from the Almighty. “God will strike back at people who act sort of gay with all kinds of mild responses,” he said. “If you keep getting pedicures and facials, you can expect two to three inches of rain and some really hot humid days in your future.”
Rev. Robertson said that New Yorkers who reacted in an over-the-top way to yesterday’s temblor “run the risk of moderately annoying the Heavenly Father yet again.”

“God looks at people who get their panties in a twist after a little shaking, and He says to Himself, ‘Wow, that’s really kind of gay,’” he said.

Mitt Romney for Keeping America Stupid: Corporations are People!

Keeping America Stupid: Old White People Edition - Sarah Palin Battle Hymn

Keeping America Stupid (and Unsafe): Political Terrorism Comes Home

Wow. "Second Amendment remedies." "Don't retreat, reload." "Texas Republican House candidate says violence, revolution, "on the table." Congratulations, Rethuglicans. Arizona heard you loud and clear today.

When did we become such an irresponsible pack of rabid lemmings? When did Arizona become the new haven for psychobiscuits (such as Gov Jan Brewer's death panels and those 'headless Mexicans')? How did we get to a point where a know-nothing idiot like Sarah Palin could become a leading force in government? When a moron like Christine O'Donnell garners 40% of the vote?

Arizona's tea party douchebag opponent to Democratic Representative Gabrielle Giffords campaign included the opportunity "Get on Target for Victory in November...Shoot a fully automatic M15 with Jesse Kelly" as a freaking fund raiser. Sarah the stupid Palin put 'crosshairs' on her website, and Giffords was one of them. And every jackwagon who flippantly repeated the "watering the tree of liberty with the blood of patriots" over and over helped to bulldoze today's path to Tuscon. As did the fact that the guntards who think that every single unbalanced individual with a criminal record should be able to walk into a store and purchase a semi-automatic pistol; which Jared Loughner did this week (in a State where it's 100% legal to carry your firearm into a bar).

I'm going to steal a line from those tea-bagging morons. I want my country back. Back to when the worst thing a President could do was lie about adulterous sex. Back to when candidates seemed to be more interested in public service than sticking a power-vac into the corporate accounts of their lobbyists' vaults of dough. Back to being able to attend an event without fear of some "real American" waltzing into the food court and opening fire on "libruls."

Ultimately, and sadly, I am not shocked that today's shootings took place. I am actually more surprised that it took over two years since President Obama has been elected for an assassination to occur. Because these conservabots don't look at politicians as people. They see one sided arguments that must be targeted and removed. Not a wife and mother. Not a nine year old girl born on 9/11/2001. Not 17 other people that now have grief stricken families wondering how a day at the Safeway has irreversibly changed their lives. They, like assclowns John McCain, John Boehner, or Eric Cantor (who, in a very bitter irony, has called off his vote to repeal Health Care Reform in light of today's events), only see a win/loss column. Heaven help the individual that takes their "We’ll aim for these races and many others. This is just the first salvo in a fight" rhetoric to the gun closet for a Saturday on the town.

Keeping America Stupid: Military Republican Division

NYT Morning Headline: Move to End 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Stalls in Senate

Because it seems that, according to Rebublicans, the only thing more of a threat to our nation than Islamic Jihadi Terrorists are openly gay US servicemen.